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Stop Conforming to Family and Society

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Hey, this is Rajiv Kumar Luv Trainer, Coach, Workshop leader, Author, podcaster, Youtuber and founder of The Personality Boss which conducts the Ultimate Personality Development Program, Course, Coaching, Training and Workshops in Mumbai. I help you design the life you want. The articles that I post on my blog also have one purpose in mind “Leadership through Personality Development” Now over to the article…

There is nobody in this world who looks like you, thinks like you, talks like you, acts like you. You are unique, you are an original! But the problem is people around you want to mould you in their own way by making you feel guilty or blackmailing you emotionally. If you give in, you have conformed. Would you feel good about having to bend over backwards? You will curse yourself for life for not being “YOU.”

I am reading books as a hobby from a very early age, thanks to a friend who instilled this habit in me. It has really served me well. Though I loved reading, people around me didn’t take it well. I had to hear comments like, “You will go mad, if you read so much.” “Reading will not get you the money.” “Saraswati (Goddess of Knowledge) and Lakshmi (Goddess of Financial Wealth) don’t go together.” So what were these people trying to do was to make me stop reading, why? Because they were not reading and they wanted me to become one of them! Or in other words, conform.

Conformity means getting influenced by the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, feelings and habits of other people or groups. Non-conformity is when you display independent thinking and behaviour. Anti-conformity means completely rebelling against people or groups.

Most people embrace conformity to:

  • Fit with the group
  • Overcome fear of rejection
  • Overcome this feeling of being different
  • Get knowledge
  • Look at the group as a benchmark

What happens to you when you conform?

  • You extinguish the spark of uniqueness
  • You are not happy with yourself
  • The quality of your work suffers
  • Your conviction in self goes down
  • You have no control over yourself, life and future

I had spent almost 12 years in the field of leather designing all sorts of leather goods for exports and then one day I suddenly proclaim that I want to be a soft skills trainer. People who are close to me start bombarding me with comments such as: Are you mad? Crazy? Be practical, what makes you think you can do that? This will never work, No one will ever pay you for this, Why don’t you get a job like everyone else? People will laugh, you are committing suicide, you will be on the road, your family will starve….I am so glad I didn’t listen to all that crap. I didn’t conform.

Here are some ideas to guard you from conformity:

  • Believe in yourself and act accordingly
  • Stand for what you think is right
  • Don’t listen to people who discourage and say negative things
  • Keep working towards your dreams and goals
  • Associate with people who make you feel good about yourself

Imagine this scenario, you walk into a hall and find that it is full with over 500 people and on looking closely you notice that everyone looks exactly like you, talk like you, move their bodies like you, smile like you. How much interesting would a world like that be? The fact is it takes all kinds of people to make the world. We all bring special talents with us, hence, we are all capable of unique contributions to the world. Stop conforming or you will curse yourself for not being “YOU.”

I am Rajiv Kumar Luv. My passion in life is to make a difference in the lives of people so that they achieve their personal as well as professional best. I am absolutely committed to specially helping youngsters become leaders in their chosen fields. In the past 28 years, I have trained over 100,000 people from all walks of life. Through my two-day program “Leadership Through Personality Development” I help the youth plan their career, build confidence, make better decisions, manage time and develop their employability skills to meet today’s real-life challenges. You can learn more about me and the work I do by visiting: