Hey, this is Rajiv Kumar Luv Trainer, Coach, Workshop leader, Author, podcaster, Youtuber and founder of The Personality Boss which conducts the Ultimate Personality Development Program, Course, Coaching, Training and Workshops in Mumbai. I help you design the life you want. The articles that I post on my blog also have one purpose in mind “Leadership through Personality Development” Now over to the article…
When I was studying in the 7th standard I had this desire of taking part in the annual function of the school. I wanted to act in the drama. Though I was very shy, introvert and low in confidence, still I gathered some courage and went to the teacher and told her, “Teacher, teacher, I want to take part in the drama” And the teacher shouted at me, “You stupid fellow, you think you can act in a drama, you can never act in a drama” That really shattered me, after that incident I never took part in anything. I felt rejected. Rejection by a teacher, parent, friend, lover or customer can have a devastating effect on an individual. A person who has been rejected earlier in life will develop this fear of rejection which will become a big roadblock on his journey to success. Fear of rejection even causes us to behave and do things which we rather not do, we may even go out of our way to please others so that they don’t reject us. In short, we put-on a mask and don’t live our natural selves and if we continue to live like this, we can never be happy. Does fear of rejection hold you back? Here are 5 ways to overcome rejection
1. Change perception, don’t take things personally
Let’s go back to the story I told you about being rejected by the teacher. Why that incident had a destructive effect on me? It was not because of what that teacher said but because of me taking what she said ‘Personally’ for me, she had rejected me as a person, I felt as if I was useless, I was a nobody and I would remain a nobody for my entire life. That really crushed me. Years later, when I was in my final year of College a group of students knocked on my hostel room door. I let them in. They said that they were preparing for college Annual day function and asked me whether I would like to take part in the drama. My heart started racing, I was excited. I said yes, yes. The group got up and left. Then suddenly the teacher’s old record started playing in my head, “You stupid fellow, you think you can act in a drama, you can never act in a drama” And I found myself talking to myself, “Teacher, I am going to prove you wrong. I can act in a drama.” I acted in the drama and won a prize at the hands of a bollywood actor. So in most of the cases the rejection is not personal, it can be a rejection of your idea, your approach, your offer never you. Nobody gets rejected more than people who are in sales and marketing. One highly successful salesman when asked, what was his business, replied, “I am in the rejection business” what an empowering way to deal with rejection!
2. Build your self esteem
Our self esteem starts functioning the day we are born. We will develop low self esteem or high self esteem depending on the way others treat us specially parents, teachers, and friends. If more people treat us positively we will have high self esteem and if more people treat us negatively we will have low self esteem. If we have been raised with a healthy self esteem we will be able to take rejection in our stride. But if we have been victims of comparisons, criticisms and judgements then rejections can have a very negative effect on us. People who worry too much about what others think and say about them also find it very difficult to handle rejection. Here are exercises you can do to build your self esteem. Repeat these statements a few times daily to yourself, “Ignore what others say and think about me” “I like myself” “I love myself” “So what if somebody rejected me, I still love myself” Building your self-esteem is like reprogramming your mental computer, throwing out old programs that don’t function and installing new programs that work effectively.
3. Give the other person the right to say No
Imagine that you are in need of some money and you approach your friend and request him to help you. The friend wants to help you but says ‘No’ as he himself is going through a rough patch. Now you take this personally an get upset about it. “How can my friend say No to me, if he can’t help me now then when will he help me? He is not my true friend” So when we make any request of somebody we need to give the right to the other person to say ‘No’ Don’t assume that the ‘No’ means you have been rejected, it only means that the other person has his own reasons for saying ‘No’ The sooner you accept this reality the better off you will be
4. See it as a learning experience
Let’s take the example of a salesperson who gets rejected more number of times than any normal person. So what do they do get upset and angry about it? No They see it as a learning experience and keep changing their approach, their pitch, their handling of objections, their closes and keep going. Does this mean they won’t get rejected in the future? Hell No they would still get rejected over and over again. So adopt the attitude of a salesperson and see rejections as a learning experience.
5. Be positive
Let’s say you’re in a relationship with someone. You really enjoyed each other’s company and then suddenly one day the other person breaks the relationship and you are shocked. You feel rejected, hurt, humiliated angry and negative. Being positive is about focusing on what’s good about the situation. Initially it might be a little difficult, but no matter how bad a situation you can always find something positive about it. For example, tell yourself, this relationship broke so that someone better could come into my life. Where you focus is in your control so choose to focus on the positive.
I am Rajiv Kumar Luv. My passion in life is to make a difference in the lives of people so that they achieve their personal as well as professional best. I am absolutely committed to specially helping youngsters become leaders in their chosen fields. In the past 28 years, I have trained over 100,000 people from all walks of life. Through my two-day program “Leadership Through Personality Development” I help the youth plan their career, build confidence, make better decisions, manage time and develop their employability skills to meet today’s real-life challenges. You can learn more about me and the work I do by visiting: http://www.thepersonalityboss.com