Hey, this is Rajiv Kumar Luv Trainer, Coach, Workshop leader, Author, podcaster, Youtuber and founder of The Personality Boss which conducts the Ultimate Personality Development Program, Course, Coaching, Training and Workshops in Mumbai. I help you design the life you want. The articles that I post on my blog also have one purpose in mind “Leadership through Personality Development” Now over to the article…
One question I am often asked in my training program is “How can I overcome my fear” I can relate to that as I had to overcome the fear of speaking in front of a group of people. I wanted to become a soft skills trainer but I had this phobia of coming out and speaking. It took some time to overcome the fear but when it did, I was liberated. In this post, I want to share some things you can do to get rid of your fear no matter what it may be. If your are looking for ways to develop your personality, this is the most important one.Here we go..
1. Acknowledge the fear
Write it down, analyze history/negative experiences what triggers the fear/ how does it affect / is it actually dangerous For example I worte I fear speaking to a group of people. When I analyzed my history I found 2 negative experiences one in school because of what a teacher said and the other at home what my mother said, she would often say “nice children don’t talk, bad children talk too much. What triggerd the fear the moment I stood in front of an audience, I could hear my teacher’s voice, "you can never speak”, the fear affects my confidence, career, life and earnings, was it dangerous, no. Once you get some clarity on your fear set up small concrete goals to help you get there for example, date someone / do rappeling / say no to the boss / make a presentation in front of your seniors
2. Gradual desensitization
Don’t be scared of this big word ‘desensitization’ in plain words it just means exposing yourself to the fear in small comfortable doses. The best example I can think off is when I was trying to have a bath with cold water in the peak of winter in Delhi. Here I was in the bathroom with a bucket full of cold water, so what did I do? I started with putting my hands into the icy cold water, then I started rubbing my arms with the water, then started dabbing my face, chest, stomach, back, knees with the cold water then poured a mug of cold water over my head, then another and another and then turned the whole bucket over my head. Done. I am sure you too would have tried this sometime in your life. In my public speaking classes, I ask people to first come in front of the audience and just smile without speaking anything, then wave, make gestures, then just say the alphabets from A-Z, soon participants start speaking without showing any signs of fear, why because they were exposed to the audience in small easy, comfortable doses.
3. Understand the message behind the fear
Whenevr you experience ‘fear’ the fear is trying to tell you something and the message is ‘be prepared’ Think about it During school exams who was the student who was the most scared and the one who was most relaxed. Obviously the one who was not prepared was the most scared. So if you prepare well, no matter what the fear, you will be able to face it with confidence. It is okay to be afraid of something, it is natural response trying to protect us and it only means you are human. Even a person like Amitabh Bacchan experiences some fear before an act but he has trained so well that he overcomes in no time. Anyone who says they have no fear are lying.
4. Act as if you are confident
My favourite guru, brian tracy often uses the phrase, “Fake it till you make it” If you just act confident facing your fear suddenly you will feel that you have actually become confident and you don’t need to act anymore. Try it, it works.
5. Celebrate your victory
When I gave my first 45-second self introduction at a public speaking course I was relieved, I said to myself, “Oh, my god, I spoke in front of 35 people and the sky didn’t fall on mye, I can speak, If I can speak for 45 seconds I can speak for 1 minute, 10 minutes, 30 minutes 180 minutes. I was patting myself on the back. Everytime you overcome your fear clelebrate and keep a record of your successful experiences and soon you will realize that your fear has disappeared and you have not only got rid of it permanently but you have actually started enjoying the very thing you feared. Today I am helping others overcome their fear of public speaking.
I am Rajiv Kumar Luv. My passion in life is to make a difference in the lives of people so that they achieve their personal as well as professional best. I am absolutely committed to specially helping youngsters become leaders in their chosen fields. In the past 28 years, I have trained over 100,000 people from all walks of life. Through my two-day program “Leadership Through Personality Development” I help the youth plan their career, build confidence, make better decisions, manage time and develop their employability skills to meet today’s real-life challenges. You can learn more about me and the work I do by visiting: http://www.thepersonalityboss.com